Energy Vampires
One of my favorite shows is FX’s What We Do in the Shadows. Four vampires, Nadja, Laszlo, Nandor, and Colin Robinson all live together in Staten Island and have been trying to adapt to society for the last 100 years. (The “SuperbOwl Party” episode made me snort laugh.) Nadja, Laszlo, and Nandor are traditional vampires, drinking the blood of their victims to sustain themselves and continue their immortality. Colin Robinson, however, is of a different variety. The energy vampire. Day-walker. Colin Robinson feeds off the frustration of his victims. There’s also an episode in season one where he meets Evie, the emotional vampire. Evie’s powers are similar to Colin Robinson’s except she feeds off pity. This is hilariously done on the show, by talking victims into unconsciousness with the most mundane stories of morning commutes, stain removals or the “Q-tip debate”. As the victim passes out, Colin Robinson’s eyes flash over with eerie blue excitement, and he moves on to the next.
It’s funny to watch on the show, but have you ever met a real-life energy vampire? I have, and they do walk among us. Although I’ve never passed out after an interaction with one, they will make you wish you had. As Colin Robinson puts it, “We either bore you, or enrage you.” They take your mental energy and offer absolutely nothing in return but aggravation. They’re that coworker we avoid because we don’t want to talk about all their cats or relationship issues. They’re that relative that only calls when they need or want something and never to check on you. They’re the “wEll aCKtUAlly” on your post when you know what you’re talking about. They’re the DMV. They fill our timelines with exhausting nonsense (see LOUD & WRONG) and call us to gossip about everything and everyone. Got damn draining. Ever get a phone call about something you posted online? That person that called you was most likely an energy vampire. Have a friend who often asks for your advice, but never takes it, then keeps coming back to you for the same advice? Yep, energy vampire. Ever listen to the current presi–; nevermind, y’all picking up what I’m putting down.
I’ve learned that there is no way to completely avoid energy vampires, but we can mentally prepare ourselves. One thing I’ve noticed is that if Colin Robinson senses he can’t get anything from a potential victim, he moves on. Real-life energy vampires are the same way. I’m not too proud to literally run to the bathroom while one is in mid-sentence or talk about something equally awkward so that we cancel each other out. Let those calls go to voicemail sometimes, mute people from your timeline (if you don’t want to delete altogether) or start coughing. Right now, in the age of ‘Rona, nothing will get someone to back away from you faster than an unprovoked cough! (I’m joking, please DO NOT weaponize coughing!) These are all acts of self-care and I encourage you to do what you can to protect your space. The energy vampires are just waiting to suck you dry.
Sources/Photo Credit
https://www.imdb.com/title/tt7908628/
https://www.thats-normal.com/2019/04/what-we-do-in-the-shadows-a-bloody-good-time/
